blue and dark blue

I dont want to play safe any longer.
The clothes I wear, the colors I choose, the actions I take.
Lately I find myself leaning more towards what I like,
rather than what I find comfort in.
its the vague indecisiveness that leads me to believe I am untested,
untouched.
These circumstances have tested my patience,
and every decision I make seem to just work as a cliche metaphore as ...my life as it is now.

but with you,
well..
you are the life i am looking forward to.
everyday I become whatever my heart desires.
I'm confident with you,
relaxed and complacent.

...

hope you saved that receipt for your tiara!

when i write things to you, it feels so very official and i feel I definitely need to follow up...which i dont do very often unless its something i feel very strongly about.

So a few things-

a. ummm
b. uhhh....yea
c. no, seriously this time..

..
I cant do it!
I only share things like this with two people...sometimes three...
annnnd im too exhausted to write like this..

im not used to this

annnnd
with that said.

im going to bed and im going to have a very very good weekend.
goo'bye

55.10

hello.

its me.

i wanted you to know a couple things before i fall asleep.
the optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole.


haha
im joking, thats not what i wanted to tell you.
thats the daily quote of the day next to the computer on a little stand.

anyway,
back to seriousness,

what i wanted to tell you was that,

im in love
and i dont know how to explain how i feel,
its just something unexplainable..
something too beautiful..
i would ruin it by putting it into words.
i dont think the english language is capable of such a strong strong feeling to describe, to define..


but i think for the first time in my life,
ive let myself go..

and im in too deep to go back now.
and i love every feeling coming from it.



and i think
i thinkk think think...


i think...







hm
ill tell you what i think tomorrow.



sweet dreams.
xo

blahblahblah

fun-duh-men-tall

The real importance:
the fundamentals with which you have to live.
with which you WANT to live.
For several days this week I drowned myself in weak thoughts.
but I guess we all need a little down time..
I had my down time. hated every single minute of it.
I mean maybe too much of everything is as bad as too little.
I'm back.
Times are always getting better.
I have/had nothing to complain about.

goal:
be kind to yourself.
goal 2:
listen to yourself.
goal 3:
run away to you.
goal 4:
okay i can't run away to you..
but I would like to.
goal 5:
accomplish goals, THEN, find myself next to you.

This looks promising.

DEFINE BEST FRIEND!

mo'money// mo problemz

truth is not determined by the volume of the voice-
im working on it./


dear me,

idiot!
whatre you day dreaming so much about-
lost in thought!
smitten,
completely smitten!!!
honeymoon stage!? but how????
magical moments again!\
floatinggggggg
the desire of being swept away/
lucky I have such detailed imagination.
tonight is strange,
I feel like its my first night.
it happens, and you rush home and you're too excited to eat
sleep,
think.

unexplainable smiles, happy//


um.
what?

love always,

me.

walking away.

i am lost.
you're the maze
i was given no map./
no one gives you a warning-
no class to take
no books-
fall at your own risk.
it's not the constant claustrophobia.
a distraction in my dream.
a ----- of time
of breath
of tears
of love
the constant tightening
----- falls.
drops.
heavy
consistency is the key.
under certain circumstances.
sorry, i was not informed.
to--
night.
"Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action."
talk a little louder, yell if you have to, I can't hear through such thick walls that they have spent so much time building.
another night
sleepless?
tomorrow will be the blur
the consequence i will receive because for some reason,
because I care immensely.
and i cared,

again.
and again.
and again.
i hate feelings sometimes
I love you